Growing pains.

My soul is now a little taller. <3

Things that I want to blog about

Here is a list of things that I want to blog about but I don't have enough time. I will get to some of them soon.

• London - my upcoming trip
• San Fransisco - my recent trip
  
• She&Him
• Reality Ventura
• recent dreams
• Greg Koukl vs Deepak Chopra
• livelavalive LOL
• my room
• things I love and hate
  
• my current college experience
• my etsy store
• and last but most definitely the opposite of least... How amazing my Lord is. <3
  

Certain people at a certain place make me feel like I'm on a tv show. I don't know how much longer I can stand it.

Friday wont come soon enough.

I am so stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. I should just wear an I'm with stupid shirt with an arrow pointing to my own face.

The Lord is my light and my salvation...whom shall I fear?!

Im in san francisco.

Done.

No more sentimental heart. Jesus help me. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Remember that Gracie.

Just thought I'd document my thoughts.

SO AMAZING!

Wow. I have never heard better.

i hate

how ugly my blog is

it would be kinda cool

if this was me.



im sorry but, shes freaking "epic". this summer while im swimmin i think im just going to pretend im her. yep.

I just cant get enough.

This do in remembrance of Me.--1 Corinthians 11:24

It seems then, that Christians may forget Christ! There could be no need for this loving exhortation, if there were not a fearful supposition that our memories might prove treacherous. Nor is this a bare supposition: it is, alas! too well confirmed in our experience, not as a possibility, but as a lamentable fact. It appears almost impossible that those who have been redeemed by the blood of the dying Lamb, and loved with an everlasting love by the eternal Son of God, should forget that gracious Saviour; but, if startling to the ear, it is, alas! too apparent to the eye to allow us to deny the crime. Forget Him who never forgot us! Forget Him who poured His blood forth for our sins! Forget Him who loved us even to the death! Can it be possible? Yes, it is not only possible, but conscience confesses that it is too sadly a fault with all of us, that we suffer Him to be as a wayfaring man tarrying but for a night. He whom we should make the abiding tenant of our memories is but a visitor therein. The cross where one would think that memory would linger, and unmindfulness would be an unknown intruder, is desecrated by the feet of forgetfulness. Does not your conscience say that this is true? Do you not find yourselves forgetful of Jesus? Some creature steals away your heart, and you are unmindful of Him upon whom your affection ought to be set. Some earthly business engrosses your attention when you should fix your eye steadily upon the cross. It is the incessant turmoil of the world, the constant attraction of earthly things which takes away the soul from Christ. While memory too well preserves a poisonous weed, it suffereth the rose of Sharon to wither. Let us charge ourselves to bind a heavenly forget-me-not about our hearts for Jesus our Beloved, and, whatever else we let slip, let us hold fast to Him.

-Charles Spurgeon

nineteen yrs.

i kind of feel like ive been 19 forever. 19 is a nice age. i like it. i feel like its an age no one really talks about. so far today... well i went out to breakfast with my parents and went to green thumb and my mom bought me a baby cactus and there was a big pond there and i befriended a catfish. he was so cute, he let me pet him. maybe one day ill buy him. yeah i think i will. oh yeah my real cat. not catfish. well she barfed on my floor. such a sweeeeet bday prezent!

this is me as 19.



and im still in a lyricky mood

A voice is on the wind
It calls me further in
I’m heading deeper into Your heart
Your mark is on my chest
My sails filled with Your breath
You guide me by the light of the stars

I’m sailing on a ship that’s bound for life
I wrestle with the wind against the tide
I'd leave it all behind to reach for more
I’m sailing on to Your golden shore, to Your golden shore

The skies go blue to grey
And I’m thrown from wave to wave
You still will hear these lungs singing hard
With every storm I face
I find a greater grace
That pulls me deeper into Your heart

I’m sailing on a ship that’s bound for life
I wrestle with the wind against the tide
I'd leave it all behind to reach for more
I’m sailing on to Your golden shore

I’m sailing on a ship that’s bound for life
I wrestle with the wind against the tide
I leave it all behind to reach for more

I’m sailing on to where the water’s running sweet and bright
The sun is rising in the eastern sky
I'd leave it all behind to reach for more
I’m sailing on to Your golden shore

hmm. sigh. Jesus.

I wish I had what I needed
To be on my own
'Cause I feel so defeated
And I'm feeling alone

And it all seems so helpless
And I have no plans
I'm a plane in the sunset
With nowhere to land

And all I see
It could never make me happy
And all my sand castles
Spend their time collapsing

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
Let that be enough

*It's my birthday tomorrow
No one here could know
I was born this FRIDAY
19 years ago*

And I feel stuck
Watching history repeating
Yeah, who am I?
Just a kid who knows she's needy

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
And let that be enough <3

**i changed the lyrics to suit me because its all about MEEEEEEEE. jk. gosh im so emo. i dont know why because my life is very funny LOL! that was a real lol by the way. im having deja vu right now its really weird im having it as im typing. woah that was weird. guess thats what happens when your birthday is tomorrow.

i learned

how to play the guitar. in one day. not to brag but i guess im a fast learner. it was fun. i know half a song. im changing a lot. i used to think musicians were stupid. i still kind of do. but now i want to play the guitar every second. until my fingers bleed. so i guess i cant make fun of musicians anymore. this is something new. my life is changing. a lot. i feel myself growing. and i feel growing pains. im a lot more complex than i thought i was. the only thing stable in my life is Jesus. thank God. i think He's shaking up my life a little to show me once again that i dont know the future. that im not in control. my plans arent His plans. my plans were pretty boring. i dont know why i thought mine were so great. His plans are like zesty. sparkly. crazy. kinda. He is inviting me into a life full of LIFE. He is showing me how to love unconditionally. its hard. but i really love love. sometimes too much. :/

i wonder what will happen next. i hope i wont be too lazy to blog about it. i know it will be interesting.

DANG.

We would see Jesus.--John 12:21

Evermore the worldling's cry is, Who will show us any good?" He seeks satisfaction in earthly comforts, enjoyments, and riches. But the quickened sinner knows of only one good. "O that I knew where I might find HIM!" When he is truly awakened to feel his guilt, if you could pour the gold of India at his feet, he would say, "Take it away: I want to find HIM." It is a blessed thing for a man, when he has brought his desires into a focus, so that they all centre in one object. When he has fifty different desires, his heart resembles a mere of stagnant water, spread out into a marsh, breeding miasma and pestilence; but when all his desires are brought into one channel, his heart becomes like a river of pure water, running swiftly to fertilize the fields. Happy is he who hath one desire, if that one desire be set on Christ, though it may not yet have been realized. If Jesus be a soul's desire, it is a blessed sign of divine work within. Such a man will never be content with mere ordinances. He will say, "I want Christ; I must have Him--mere ordinances are of no use to me; I want Himself; do not offer me these; you offer me the empty pitcher, while I am dying of thirst; give me water, or I die. Jesus is my soul's desire. I would see Jesus!"

-Charles H. Spurgeon

bjorkian

this is how i feel when im depressed and want to crawl into a hole and sleep for the rest of my life.

i live by the ocean

and during the night

i dive into it

down to the bottom

underneath all currents

and drop my anchor

and this is where i'm staying

this is my home

i dont know

if i like being a "blogger"

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Answer me when I call to you,
O my righteous God.
Give me relief from my distress
be merciful to me and hear my prayer.

How long, O men, will you turn my glory into shame?
How long will you love delusions and seek false gods?

Know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself
the LORD will hear when I call to him.

In your anger do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search your hearts and be silent.

Offer right sacrifices
and trust in the LORD.

Many are asking, "Who can show us any good?"
Let the light of your face shine upon us, O LORD.

You have filled my heart with greater joy
than when their grain and new wine abound.

I will lie down and sleep in peace,
for you alone, O LORD,
make me dwell in safety.

(my favorite verse^)

I love you Jesus. <3

Happy Thanksgiveeng

Okay so Jesus has blessed me with a lot of things in my life that I'm thankful for. But one of the things that I am most thankful for is the amazing, hilarious, beautiful best friend he's given me.

Phillipians 1:3 !

Jesus I love you!

I got this pic off of the Reality Adorn website those arent my knees but that is my prayer right there<3

Rainy rain rain

Its raining! I'm so excited for winter and im going bezzzerrrk for CHRISTMAS! ohhh my goosshhhh. Lets see theres going to be sweaters and warm socks and scarves and gloves and warm drinks and cold drinks like snow sprinkles! and christmas songs and glowwy lights and christmas movies like ELF and asthahdah dahdahs and christmas christmas christmas!

look how snuggly my day is so far:

sigh

i dont know if this is going to make any sense. ill try my best. i just want to get this all out of my head as quick as possible because its something that needs to be said.

so tonight was the first night of homegroups. all went really well and its going to be a really great season of homegroups. to get to the point my new homegroup leader was talking about homegroups and about stuff hes learned about homegroups yadda yadda yadda at some point while he was talking to us he said something about someone being a cynical loudmouth. i dont really use the phrase "i was convicted" that much but i was. yeah so theres what a i want to talk about. me being a cynical loudmouth. i am a loudmouth. and 60 percent of the time im a cynical loudmouth. im not always a loudmouth. i can actually be pretty shy at times. at this very moment, im trying to wrestle with in my head why and when i am a loudmouth and when its cynical and when its not. hmm. im not like a loudmouth in places where it would be totally disrespectful to be one. umm usually in a setting where people are just like throwing around jokes and having fun i guess. i usually like get really annoying and go too far every once and while? my brain is rambling in my brain right now... stay with me if you can. im a cynical loudmouth at parties, especially ones full of my peers. im guessing the reason why i turn into a cynical loudmouth at times is because i get insecure. it could be because i can be arrogant at times. i think at times i have a unhealthy balance of insecurity and low self esteem and arrogance and conceit. because if im not really insecure, im conceited and vice versa. Jesus has actually helped me with this a lot but it seems to be that when i get into certain situations where im threatened by people and social things one way or another... i just revert back to my old ways of insecurity/arrogance. and the problem is expressed by my actions...me being a loudmouth. i dont know why i think that people care that i hate this or that or have a problem with blah blah blah. i think that like at the time i think that i need to express myself or something to make myself feel better? i dont. i just need to shut up. and i dont know why i make people feel stupid because im feeling stupid at the time. and i dont know why so many times let the reigns go on my tongue. i hardly ever think before i say things. i have like a chronic case of word vomit all the time. wow im like getting a headache writing and thinking about all of this. i mean im not beating my self up that much...ive come a long way. i used to just be a negative selfish big jerk who thought she was better than everyone else. Jesus has changed my heart like a lot a lot...a lot. I guess all im saying is that im sorry if youve ever had to experience being annoyed by me lamely being a socially retarded freak. pray for me, im still learning. :-/

are you confused? im confused. good night.

Psalm 102

Hear my prayer, O LORD;
let my cry for help come to you.
Do not hide your face from me
when I am in distress.
Turn your ear to me;
when I call, answer me quickly.

For my days vanish like smoke;
my bones burn like glowing embers.

My heart is blighted and withered like grass;
I forget to eat my food.

Because of my loud groaning
I am reduced to skin and bones.

I am like a desert owl,
like an owl among the ruins.

I lie awake; I have become
like a bird alone on a roof.

All day long my enemies taunt me;
those who rail against me use my name as a curse.

For I eat ashes as my food
and mingle my drink with tears

because of your great wrath,
for you have taken me up and thrown me aside.

My days are like the evening shadow;
I wither away like grass.

But you, O LORD, sit enthroned forever;
your renown endures through all generations.

Though the fig tree does not bud

and there are no grapes on the vines,

though the olive crop fails

and the fields produce no food,

though there are no sheep in the pen

and no cattle in the stalls,

yet I will rejoice in the LORD,

I will be joyful in God my Savior.

The Sovereign LORD is my strength;

he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,

he enables me to go on the heights.

Habakkuk 3:17-19

I'm so excited to

sleep in tomorrow morning
even if its only for a couple hours

Juno

sucks.

True Bread True Light True Vine

ANNA LOVES DOGS

As much as she tries to deny it, she loves them. She used to hate them, but I've turned her into a puppy appreciator. I heard she was snuggling with one just the other day

JUST ADMIT IT, YOU LOVE THEM:

Sweaty

I want it to be Christmas time so bad because I need it to be cold because I need to not be all hot and sweaty all the time because I need to stop smelling like a butt.

Well right now all I can say is that Jesus is amazing and that he's powerfully working in me and my best friend Anna's life right now. I'm in love with Him so much and I could never thank Him enough for drawing me in closer to Him.

Oh yeah and has anyone ever heard of someone dying from yawning too much? I'm afraid I have a disease, I'm not kidding (even though I kid a lot) I have been yawing like 5 times a minute for like more than 4 hours. I can't stop. I'm scared, I don't know what is wrong. Someone call the wambulance and have them pick me up a wamburger and french cries on the way over here.

Once again, my jokes are so funny. Okay whatever back to Jesus and how great he is:

<3


Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose
You're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

Cause you're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything
Everything

I have a

squishy little puppy

Inseparable

I'm sorry but,

the beatles are thee most overrated band in the whole. entire. universe. shove your vintage abby road album down my throat or whatever for saying that but its gotten to the point where i actually feel really bad for all the members because their band is so pointless. poor bill, charles, tom, and chico. almost all of their songs just annoy the crap out of me okay and i'm more than over it. i'm pretty sure i would rather listen to happy birthday for the rest of my life. and definitely NOT the beatles version.

i like this beetle better:

Hi.

I just learned that there are more people reading my blog than I thought. I'm sorry I'm so weird.










Oh and here is a random recent picture of me and Anna

Gimmeee him!

Lullaby

All who are thirsty
All who are weak
Just come to the fountain
Dip your heart in the stream of life
Let the pain and the sorrow be washed away
in the waves of His mercy
As deep cries out to deep

Come Lord Jesus

<3

"Never again will they hunger;
never again will they thirst.
The sun will not beat upon them,
nor any scorching heat.
For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd;
he will lead them to springs of living water.
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."
Revelation 7:16-17

"Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." John 4:13-14

Mercy

If I love a song, I usually love it for its lyrics. These are lyrics to an amazing Josh Garrels song. Read them. He's sooo good. Thank you Anna for showing him to me..... and being my bestest friend ever.


"you ever walk a mile with the men

we got these sticks in our hands and moving over broken land across the deserts and the sand, wasteland

I understand the command and the difference

of the body, mind, flesh, soul, spirit

now tell me if you hear it?

and you can tell me if you fear it

please brother move near it

don’t let your dark conscious clear it

please brother move near it

don’t let your dark conscious clear it

I’m talkin’ bout the whispers of the Holy Spirit

I woke up I’ve had enough

of all the fists and the cuffs and the prostitutes bluffs, and addictions they never get enough and now the snake’s in the rough and the heels’ on his head

please Lord just crush it

and take the venom out my veins

please Lord just crush it

and take the venom out my veins

mental attack, flash back, half-forgotten event,

fade to black, warped and bent, represents

the arrangement of connections in my mind

the mind over man soulfully seeking signs

elevated over rhyme and outside space and time

and if your third eye’s blind then you might just miss it

like the ship in the dark looking for the house of light

and like a man with his hands

asking heaven for a fight and now the pen’s on the paper but we don’t know how to write

have mercy on me

cause I believe You’re the One, the Son, who’s come to set us all free

have mercy on me

Lord I’ve still got questions

can anything be everything if everything is hollow? or does living has a reason that’s put off until tomorrow?

and now I’m riding round the bends to the bones of the morrow finding sorrow with the joy like the boy who’s been beat slashed torn and warned not to tell the truth and now my soul’s informed and I’m putting it to use, let’s defuse, I wanna defuse the humanistic time bomb compromising truth

buried alive in their scientific proofs

uncouth evolving sayers of sooth have lost their curriculum agenda and proof

for the Love that’s livin’ in me

and for the dreams that nobody sees

and for the broken soul on bended knee

and the God that’s gonna answer him powerfully

you see, you and me, we don’t amount to much

self-centered intellect’s not a power but a crutch,

losin’ touch with God’s reality, takin’ comfort in philosophies, thinkin’ it’s a speciality, sometimes fatality

who’s next on the docket?

have mercy on me

cause I believe He’s the One, the Son, who’s come to set us all free"

>:-(

I'm really freakin pissed at blogger right now its not letting me upload any pictures ive been trying to put back up my header and profile picture for like ever and bologger was just like sorry your dumb and ugly and then it punched me in the face ugh freaking rude

Baptizzle picz

isnt our hair yummy looking

Me?

okay jeez how many posts am i going to make today



1. What time did you get up this morning? like 7 something

2. Diamonds or pearls? raisins

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? steel man

5. What do you usually have for breakfast? tortilla with cream cheese

6. What is your middle name? x-tina

7. What food do you dislike? greasy food, badly cooked food, sucky food that makes me sick, sour food

8. What is your favourite CD at moment? the reality worship cd

9. What kind of car do you drive? poopmobile

10. Favorite sandwich? chipotle

11. What characteristic do you despise? selfishness a lot of other characteristics come from this one

12. Favorite item of clothing? my old navy jeans, my lizard shirt

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? i used to know this one

15. Where would you retire to? some place quiet

16. What was your most recent memorable birthday? um my 18th birthday was da bessst thanks to my best friend anna

18. Furthest place you are sending this? your butt

19. Person you expect to send it back first? your butt

21. When is your birthday? april 24th

22. Are you a morning person or a night person? night

23. What is your shoe size? 8

24. Pets? puppy kitty lizard

25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? im sleeping on my incredibly comfy couch tonight. no seriously just try sitting on it for like 5 seconds without falling asleep

26. What did you want to be when you were little? an 'artist' and wear a beret and always carry around a paint palette that was kind of a gay dream

27. How are you today? um lazy procrastinating fat

29. What is your favourite flower? white daisies and others

30. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? GRADUATION OH MY GOD

32. What is your full name? Graciana Christina Lemos

33. What are you listening to right now? the fans in my computer

34. What was the last thing you ate? the last thing i should have ate was a donut this morning and then the last thing i should have ate was in and out and then the last thing i should have ate was a whole pint of oatmeal cookie chunk icecream but then i had pizza cool im cool

35.. Do you wish on stars? no but i like to see shooting stars

36. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? im not a crayon

37. How is the weather right now? moony

39. Favourite soft drink? dont drink soda but i still love root beer

40. Favourite restaurant? chipotle ya so what i still love it ill never get sick of it

41. Hair colour? brown

42. What was your favourite toy as a child? stuffed animals


43. Summer or winter? winter

44. Hugs or kisses? kisses from my future husband and hugs from no one. i dont really like hugs but everyone else seems to so i just like go along with it. actually i take that back i like hugs from select people.

45. Chocolate or Vanilla? vanilla but not white chocolate ew

46. Coffee or tea? iced tea

47. Do you want your friends to email you back? fart

48. When was the last time you cried? i alllmost cried today

49. What is under your bed? boxes

50. What did you do last night? cleaned my room

51. What are you afraid of? nothing

52. Salty or sweet? sweeeeeeet

53. How many keys on your key ring? like 5 maybe

55. Favourite day of the week? sunday and will you stop saying favourite ITS favorite stop being so pretentious stupid survey man

56. How many towns have you lived in? like 7

57. Do you make friends easily? i guess, depends

58. How many people will you send this to? cheese

59. How many will respond? noodle

60. Do you like finding out all this stuff about your friends? booty

i really like these i think ill do more in the future

Inanimate object that keep haunting me

i had to read this dumb creepy lame book for english and now it wont leave me alone, i keep forgetting to give it back to my teacher and even if i chuck it a billion feet as hard as i can across my room it still always ends up in my purse or staring back at me when i wake up in the morning ugh i want to just burn it so bad but its school property what are they going to do though suspend me im graduating in like a week okay im doing it

Jesus, the lover of my soul. <3

I have. I have been cheated on. I have been lied to. I have been rejected. I have been practically tortured. I have been let down time after time. I have been in so many empty and painful relationships with the opposite sex. I have spent countless nights crying myself to sleep.

I have met the man who will not never.
I have met the man who will never hurt me.
I have met the man who will never leave me.
I have met the man who will never lie to me.
I have met the man who will never reject me.
I have met the man who will never let me down.
I have met the man who will never stop loving.

NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER.

Jesus, my man, I love you.

I Miss...

MY BEST FRIEND!

never ever do what i should

okay, it would be really smart if i just went to bed right now because its late and im exhausted and have to wake up early tomorrow but im dumb so who cares. so ive been reading this book called fresh wind fresh fire by jim cymbala and its so amazing it would help you understand more if i told you what the book is about but im too lazy maybe ill tell you later and i like run on sentences. let me just get this all over with so i can go to bed i want to share some lil parts of the book with you and i will keep sharing with you more and more lil parts as i read more and more of the book more and more and i dont care about grammar im tired! i hope you enjoy this whoever you are:

I discovered an astonishing truth: God is attracted to weakness. He can't resist those who humbly and honestly admit how desperately they need him.

God is not aloof. He says continually through the centuries, "I'll help you, I really will. When you're ready to throw up your hands, throw them up to me."

The devil is not terribly frightened of our human efforts and credentials. But he knows his kingdom will be damaged when we begin to lift up our hearts to God.

(the book is mostly about prayer)

okay yeah okay thats it for now

ohh wait here is a verse that i like that i have been and will be meditating on for some time and the reason is a whole notherr post

"Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should." Ephesians 6:19-20

oh my gosh seriously, good night world wide web





ps: lorie and david it was sooooo much fun hanging out with you guys today! (actually yesterday since it is way past midnight)

take it or leave it, okay

okay so obviously i havent written anything since like christmas, mainly because i know no one reads this. whatever though ill just make this post to myself. so yeah hey gracie whats up. um nothing really im just being really weird. oh yeah me too. okay im done. a lot has happened in my life since christmas so i thought id make this post and talk about it and just say stuuuff. ive just kind of been in this little struggle to feel Jesus' presence. He's the hugest thing ever and I don't know how I'm able to forget him at times. Just to let you know I like to ramble so you might not understand any of this. So what I long for the most is to know that Jesus is there and that he hears me. To feel him in my soul. Sometimes I have to fight with myself to let myself hear his voice. I know that a part of the problem is my busyness and that I don't read the word enough. Thankfully in the past couple days Jesus has helped me come up with ways that I can be fed his word everyday. I've also been bothered by how i think people see me. About how i think they might see me as a christian. Particularly the people who knew me before i had given my life to Christ. I feel that they just dont think im serious about it. i feel like they think im just "trying" to be christian so that i can act like im better than everyone else. i feel like they think that ive lost my personality and dont know how to have fun anymore. or that its just some weird thing that i just somehow got sucked into and now im like "brainwashed" or something. the TRUTH is that i absolutely could not handle one more night of crying myself to sleep because of the huge hole inside me. i could not ignore anymore, the fact that something enormous was missing in my life. the main thing i thought i was missing was a boyfriend. i thought that a "love" relationship would fill the hole. so i strived to have one. i was painfully wrong. there was no peace in my heart. i was satisfied with nothing. i would think to myself "if i only had this... then i would be happy" i became so exhausted from trying to force my life to be what i thought it should be. i do not know what is best for myself. ive messed my life up so much by trying to make it perfect. how can an imperfect person create a perfect life? only one perfect human can set things right. Jesus. He is the only one big enough to fill the hole. He is the way, the truth, and the life. It is not me being "one" with the world or being zen or whatever, not me doing yoga or some new age baloney, not me reaching enlightenment, not me saying prayers to allah, not me believing in a "higher power", not me saying a billion hail marys, not me doing some sort of spell or rubbing a rabbit foot or me not walking under a ladder. It is not survival of the fittest and tom cruise is dumb. It wasnt anything I did. It was something he did. He died on the cross for the sins of the world and three days later rose from the dead. I live for him because he died for me. He didn't have to either. He did it because of Love. Real LOVE. Love that you will never find anywhere else. So back to the reason I'm saying all of this...because of the way i feel people think of me. i almost like 90 percent dont care what people think but when i dwell on how i think people think of me as a christian, it bugs me. you know what i just want to say, do you know how hard it is to be christian? to deny yourself, to do what is right even though your flesh doesnt want to? to truly rebel against the world? i mean if you havent noticed the world is anti-christian. we're the freakin punks.

Merry Christmas!